No politics.
No raging against machines (or even, indeed, ex-partners of any description).
'Getting on with it' is far more my style these days.
Having said that, I would now like to dive head first into the topic of abortion.
Laying it all on the line, and refusing any directions to fences that I might like to sit on (Look! It's a PADDED fence and everything!), I think it is very important that the people who believe in the right for women to be able to have access to safe abortion procedures should voice that opinion.
And while I am at it, I'll confess to believing in euthanasia for humans as well (another blog subject, Hen. Stay on track...).
It's important that I clarify that I don't think that every abortion is 'OK'. I've heard that there are many women out there who use abortion as
I think it's also important for me to clarify that I have always believed in the right to abortion, in the same way that I have always believed that homosexuality isn't wrong. I believed these things when I was a teenage Christian, and ultimately it was these things, and many things like them, that made me just give the whole thing up as an impossible, and shack up with a man instead.
It is now, now that we have decided to try and have a baby, that the whole abortion thing becomes very real. The times I have spoken to my mum about the subject, she has unfailingly told me that had she had the choice, she would not have had my sister. And I just get that. My mother has told me that when she has said this to people, they have been appalled. My sister is alive, has feelings, exists. Surely there is a plus side to her existence in my mothers life? And I do not blame my mother when she comes up with nothing in support of having been tied to supporting my sister for the past forty years. There's no point getting philosophical about it. My mums life has suffered because of the existence of my sisters. And I am not angry at my mum for being honest about that. And I am certainly not about to judge her. In this, I understand her.
And I am the same.
There is a strong chance that a pregnancy for me will involve a Down Syndrome foetus or another kind of disability because of the type of translocation I have. In these events, if the foetus doesn't miscarry, I will abort it. Don't think I wont be sad about it. Don't think it wont do my head in. Don't think I wont wish I was someone different (someone better? Mmmm...). But for me, it is the ONLY option.
Ranting in the comments, please. Keep it tidy.
12 comments:
It is very important that the people who believe in the right for women to be able to have access to safe abortion procedures should voice that opinion. OK then. I voice it. Yes, that's what I think. I believe in a woman's right to choose.
Now I am going to try and say the next bit carefully. I believe in woman's right to choose - either to have a baby or to have an abortion. That does not mean that I necessarily like or agree or dislike or disagree with her reasons for her choice - that's not the point. She has the right to choose anyway and I would always support that.
In any specific case, I might think the woman's choice is based on reasons that I personally consider horrendous, sensible, both, neither or somewhere in between. My support for the right to choose doesn't imply agreement with the reasons, it is support for the right to choose regardless of the reasons or the womn's eventual decision. It is that woman's choice, not mine.
In an ideal world, women should be able to make that choice in a way that is not constrained by their single, married, gay, straight, employed or unemployed status or other people's views on it, or their views about anything else about her. Or guilt tripping, or any of that bollocks.
Women should have access to safe abortion procedures if they want them. Women should also have access to enough financial - or other forms of support - to enable her to have a child and a good quality of life for both her and the child life if they want that. That would offer a genuine choice.
But in real life, women's choices to have an abortion or a child are often restricted by lack of these things and by pressure from society and others. That is a reason why I am a political rager against the machine.
But in the here and now, I recognise that women make their choices in the real situations they live in and I support every woman's right to choose.
Er, you did say tidy, not short, didn't you? ;-) More politics and rage at my new place if you fancy it.
Bloody hell, that is MUCH longer than I thought. Sorry Hen.
I believe that all women should be able to choose to terminate a pregnancy. I also believe that nobody gets to judge them on that decision.
There will always be those that we feel abuse the choice and exercise it for reasons we don't agree with, but we can't really know for sure whether their reasons are good enough or not. Because we're not in their heads or living their lives.
I've heard that there are many women out there who use abortion as contraception. That, my dear friends, leaves me feeling sick inside. But as with many liberties, we often have those who abuse them.To be honest, the reason I ranted at length but in carefully phrased terms was that this really wound me up. But I've been thinking about it all night, so here's something more direct.
I actually think it;s a myth that there are all these women who for some reason prefer surgery to contraception. Although there are women - particularly younger women whose access to contraception is less good - through prioce, lack of knowledge or because of problems with partners who can be dickheads for want of a better word. Boys' attitudes can be hard to deal with sometimes for some young women.
But my point is that all women are entitled to abortion.
I don't think it right to suggest that women who use abortion facilities are abusing them.
I don't think that making assumptions about women who use abortion facilities or moralising about them is useful.
Same goes the other way round, when people suggest that some women "shouldn't be allowed to have kids", because they haven't got the money/live in the wrong country, "only want a council house" etc etc. Bollocks.
red and nicky, I thank you for your comments.
red, I am sorry if I wound you up, but I do stand by the statement that there are women out there who do use abortion as a form of contraception. That you think it is a myth is interesting, and suggests (to me) that you would like it to be a myth as the idea upsets you greatly.
Medical professionals have reported that there are some women out there who fall pregnant to 'test' their fertility, and then have an abortion because the point of falling pregnant, for them, wasn't to have a child. Medical professionals indicate that this practice is becoming more prevalent, and that there are woman who do it more than once (the reason being, the abortion might have affected their fertility, so they 'test' it again).
If you think that there are not woman out there capable of doing something like this, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news. There absolutely are. They are fractured. They are damaged. Some of them are narcissistic fools. Some of them are lovely yet fear driven (fear of infertility) women. But they exist.
Would I pass judgment on a woman who did this? Yes. I would tell her what she did is Not OK. Frankly I do not think the softly-softly approach is helpful for people who do such things. If said woman did not have access to safe and legal abortion, she would not be able to, well, take the piss out of the system like that. The emotional, financial and moral toll her mental state takes on society can be understood and shown compassion, but at the same time we can insist that what that woman has done is wrong, and acknowledging that she needs help not to do it again.
This is the ONLY example of when I let my own morals on the subject affect my judgment. If knowing one woman in the world thought that what another woman was doing was stupid and selfish, and that woman didn't do that stupid and selfish thing because of the other woman's disapproval, then that, for me, is a Good Thing.
I should clarify, though.
Do I think she should be allowed to have access to an abortion?
Yes. Each and every time.
Would I keep my opinions to myself? No.
So, not to be nitpicky, but abortion is a form of birth control (whatever reason you are using). It is not however, a form of contraception, which the morning after pill is (as are most forms of birth control).
Using abortion as your only form of birth control is risky and completely annoying. Why bother with such a complicated method when there are simpler forms that exist.
Yet, it still needs to be maintained as an accessible method of birth control.
That's a good point, Spins, and is indeed what I should have written, so I have done as much.
I sometimes think what I would do in the instance of finding out that a pregnancy would lead to a severely disabled child. Am I being selfish in that I would want it terminated?
What if my partner felt the opposite way?
Are these things you discuss before pregnancy?
These thoughts are far away from my situation at the moment...
Am I being selfish in that I would want it terminated?Yes. And no. And yes. But no. It's such an open question, really. Some days I think I am selfish for not wanting to parent a disabled child, and at other times I think that I am not selfish, so much as being realistic.
What if my partner felt the opposite way?That would be something you would have to work through together. People change their minds. You might change yours. She might change hers.
Are these things you discuss before pregnancy?YES YES YES OH GOD YES.
A thousand times, yes.
This was a very courageous post, Hen. No judgment here.
I agree with your decision wholeheartedly. Is it selfish of me to think that I would never want to raise a disabled child? Probably, but I can't even begin to imagine the pain and anguish I would feel watching them grow up and struggle with the day to day tasks that everyone around them is taking for granted, watching them be ostracized and constantly misunderstood by their peers.
And when everyone else is growing up and growing old there would be the constant stress of what is going to happen to them if something happens to me?
Personally I know that I wouldn't have the strength or patience to do any of those things.
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