Dear Sam,

I specifically asked you not to die. And you said you wouldn't. And that you have just goes to show that neither of us is the boss of anything.

Who's going to tell me what to do now? You know I can't make decisions without you. Not the big ones, anyway. Who will tell me I'm doing the right thing? Or more importantly, when I am not?

Who will I talk to when I can't sleep?

Who will I love like I loved you? This space you've left. This gap. I have this feeling, this god awful beautiful feeling that it will never go away, never be filled.

Glen is logged into your email right now, but it looks like you, with the little green light next to your name in gmail showing you online. I've taken a screen shot, so that I never ever have to wonder what it was like to see that little light.

You were always there for me and I know I told you that I appreciated it. I am so glad you knew how much you meant to me. I am so glad I told you. I am so grateful that you knew that I loved you and that you loved me.

I hope it hurts like this forever.

love

di x